S2 Episode 3: Trauma Bonding - It's not all love

Sometimes we met someone and they feel so right that we never think that it could go wrong. Clicking, instantly. Almost like the bond we dream of in our ideal wonderlands of life. Some bonds though, can come with more than we can manage.


This weeks new song:

Backwards Childhood - KM.T

Find it on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2cYu8ZRGEunIUHK16zlrKf

Find it on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE8gxG46jDM

Trauma bonds are considered to be a deep bond between a victim and their abuser. When in experiencing a trauma bond there is a deep feeling of commitment and loyalty to the same person causing you mental, physical or emotional pain. It is important to note that trauma bonds are not limited to romantic relationships and can be experienced with coworkers, peers, family and friends.


Trauma bonds do not discriminate age either. Children also experience trauma bonds when they have experienced abuse from their parents. This can sometimes create a blueprint for their relationships later on in life. Adults who have been in a trauma bond know that sometimes recognizing signs aren't that easy. Be on the look out for more subtle notions of abuse like always being let down or manipulated or verbally criticized.


Other signs that we be may experiencing in a trauma bond involve:


  • feelings of uncertainty about whether you care for or trust the person,

  • feeling like you're stuck in this relationship without much power or say,

  • having the same fights and disagreements that do not lead anywhere

  • the bond is intense and complicated attached with promises of better days that do not come

  • you hold on to the good you know that lies within them despite knowing that they hold abusive characteristics.

  • trying to leave but feeling physical symptoms or feelings of despair

Trauma bonds partners share an intense bond that some may say can be compared to addiction due to the reward the victim feels when things are on a high. Its important to remember that when you do find the space to pull yourself out of a trauma bond, it will be a journey that will involve strict boundaries. Separation felt after a bond is severed can cause intense feelings to contact the abuser, as well as feeling alone. It may also be difficult to relate to other people because of these feelings. Or you may even look for something to match the intensity whether it be in a positive or negative way.


Cutting the chords of a trauma bond isn't easy, but we know that you will strive through when you feel safest. Hey, you may even find yourself trusting people again. When you do remember to not fall into things so quickly. Moving with the flow is fun but not when you'r mental health is at risk. Notice red flags and take them seriously, especially if you feel you experience trauma bonds, more than usual. People show us who they are through red flags so we shouldn't ignore them. Also make sure you know all of the bags someone is coming with. Surprise baggage is not what we signed up for and shouldn't just be sprung on us either. TRANSPARENCY. TRANSPARENCY. TRANSPARENCY. Its important to know who we are engaging with before our judgement gets clouded with emotion.



This weeks self-work (homework) assignment:

Our journal work this week is a two part entry. With the year closing, now is a perfect time to reflect on ourselves. Choose three words to explain your mental health.


Write a story about the relationship. Write about yourself and experiences from YOUR perspective and YOUR emotion. Write the story in the third person. Tell the story of the relationship from beginning to end. Reread the story and think deeply about those memories; this could be triggering so be sure to take your time with yourself.


Don’t forget to:

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Listen on iTunes:

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-black-new-york/id1457506638?i=1000459956581


Listen on Soundcloud:

https://soundcloud.com/theblacknewyork/season-2-episode-3-trauma-bonds


Listen on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6dd9mOVHryksr5lC2w1N3F

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